Inspiration - Forced?

My friend Jeff says that sometimes he has trouble being inspired to blog.  I share that sentiment.  But not just about blogging.  About life.

What inspires you?  What in this world makes you stop and go, "Whoa-- I feel like responding in some way because of that!"

In the past it's been music- when I would hear an amazing musician I would run to my guitar and try to learn a new riff or something...  Also acting- when I would see a good actor/actress I would try to do my best impression... Maybe even Christiany stuff- I would see a pretty sunset or trees or mountains and then be inspired to pray or cry or journal.

As for now...

I'm not sure.  As far as music goes, it's been fun doing open mics and small concerts, but I miss being in a real band-- and it will be months and months until we're adjusted to Durham enough to start a band.  As far as acting-- nothing.  Christian stuff- I haven't been inspired/motivated to do anything but just sort of float along...

So I guess I could try to inspire myself to find things that are inspiring...

But that seems silly.

Guess I'm just uninspired right now.  And that's okay.

Generous Orthodoxy

My brilliant father in law gave me a book entitled "Generous Orthodoxy" by Brian Mclaren.  I've read some of his stuff in College but it never occurred to me that I might be kindred spirits with this gray-haired man until now.  I'm only 3/4 of the way through his book (that came out YEARS AGO, where was I?) but I can see that there is a path for me within God's diverse Kingdom.

I have had a somewhat colorful experience with church.  I've served on worship teams, volunteered at youth retreats, wrestled with pastors, yelled at elders, cried with ministers.  I've been accepted, adored, admired, and kicked out.  I've been taken advantage of, and I've done my share of making the church serve my own selfish purposes.  On some occasions I've lied, I've cheated, and I've given all that I am to the church.  It wasn't until my last experience that I've honestly and truly considered leaving altogether.

The pain was (and is) so great that I thought now would be a great time to get the hell out and take a hint that church isn't for folk like me.  The people like me, we don't get invited to church potlucks and "planning committees."  We walk cautiously on the outside, marveling at the strange goings on inside, and wondering why we weren't created to indulge in such bizarre (but fun looking) behaviors.  We all remember a time when we felt God's touch and we stood up to say something and were met with prejudism and harsh replies.  "How dare you challenge us?"  "Why can't you just go along with everyone?"  "You are slowing everything down"  "What do you mean, you're not a Republican?" -- these are all things that we hear on a regular basis.  Every now and then, someone says something like, "You know, we need people like you because it helps us to keep from making a potential boo-boo." But you know what they mean.  They hate you.  And it's only a matter of time that they take matters into their own hand to get rid of you.

But back to my point.... Despite the fact that I know I am not welcome in 90% of church circles-- doesn't mean that I do not have access to a community that will accept me.  It may be small and it may be hard to find, but there are people within God's Kingdom that see people like me and their hearts will be stirred because they have a similar story as mine.  I feel like Mclaren is one of those people.  Who knows, maybe if we met today he would decide I'm a lost cause as well, but I like to think that he and I would have much to talk about-- much to cry about-- and much to celebrate.

Having an Orthodoxy that's important to you, but not exclusive or stone-set is something he stresses time and time again.  We need to have the flexibility to allow God to move within our belief system.  We need to give God room to breathe.

Anyway, just some thoughts I had.  Feel free to disagree- that's the joy of it all!

-Tim

So the word is out...

Yesterday I let my boss know that we're moving.  Yes, it was difficult- I know he often looked to me to keep the store running smooth.  At times I "caught" him saying nice things about me, although he rarely did to my face.  I think there were times when I was a bit too hard on him- complained too much about the way he was so relaxed when he was running the shift so that the baristas started to dislike working with me because I kept them accountable to the job they were hired to do.  I wouldn't say anything behind his back, though, that I didn't say straight to his face.  He always knew right where I stood.  All-in-all he was a good boss-- he gave me opportunities to run the store that I wouldn't have anywhere else.  Never before have I felt so trusted.  Even in the midst of some malicious accusations against me, he stood up for me.  I hope he will say that I was a damn fine employee.  I took my job seriously, but not too seriously.  I strove for perfection, but I admitted my mistakes.  I pushed my fellow employees to succeed and our store showed it.

I'll miss my customers the most, probably.  I bonded with some of them so much that they seem closer than some members of my own family.  It will be hard to leave them, but I know that they will be so excited for Julie to succeed at Duke.  I think I will look back on my time at Folsom Peet's with fond memories.  I hope I leave a good footprint.  (And they better keep recycling while I'm gone or I'll kick some asses!!)

To those who have ever left a job without saying "Good riddance" but rather, "I'll miss you guys"-- you know how I feel.

-Tim

Sell it but don't sell out

Maybe you said it's okay
Maybe you didn't want this anymore
Maybe we should throw this away
Maybe we should sell it on ebay
Cuz maybe we didn't need this anyway
Maybe we didn't need the headache
So yes, let's throw it all out
Let's get back to just me and you
Let's just sail away on these stormy clouds
Did you bring the directions?
No, they're still at the house...
And we're not going back.
So here we are
I'm so unsure all of a sudden
Hope we didn't sell too much
Would you tell me if I made you give too much away?
Would I tell you?
With this empty house and solitary dream-
What do we have left to hold on to?