The Ideal of Perfection

Like a five-year-old running in the Olympics-

Convinced that if he just tries as hard as he can

he could

Outrun the competition.

Like an ostrich, looking at his small feathery wings and

Thinking that if he just keeps flapping hard enough,

he could

Fly like the heron.

Like the endangered fish who thinks if she just focuses hard enough,

she could

Breathe on land.

Like the girl who thinks that if she dedicates her life to both

Catholicism and Protestantism,

she could

Meld both worlds.

Frankly, the world laughs at this. I laugh!!

These scenarios do not make much sense at all right now. But

In 20 years the five-year-old could race and beat the fastest in the world.

In several generations, the Ostrich could adapt into a bird

capable of short flights.

In a few centuries, the fish could evolve to breathe both in and out of water.

Peace and understanding could come to competing religions.

Is it a question of time?

Is it a question of willingness to stick it out?

To hold to an ideal?

There must be a reason to cling tightly to a dream--

A motivation to support an ideal to the finish line,

And the resolve must be so strong that even if he

doesn't

see

change

in his lifetime,

He will still strive with all his might

Resting in the dream that someone else will carry on

the ideal when he is dead and gone.

I don't want to die thinking,

"If only I had attempted to live my dream."

I don't want to die comfortable and insignificant.

How can I live?

How can I truly live as God has made me?

Speaking of the Church

Had an interesting conversation with my best bud Josh while he was visiting up here in Seattle, so I thought I'd share...

What's up with the Church?

I guess I should clarify what I mean when I say that. I mean, what's up with the American Church? What are we doing? What's the point? Do we care? Do we believe? Does God care? Does God still believe in us?

Long ago, God used men and women to do specific things that changed the world- often they failed, sometimes they succeeded, but all had their lives radically moved by God. I hear stories of this type of relationship overseas- Japan, Africa, China... but what on earth is happening here? Complacency, isolation, disillusionment... even the little things that we "do for God" seem tainted by our own ambitions and lack of follow-through. The relationships we have seem shallow and dependent on circumstances. Mentors and disciples seem non-existent.

Why? I don't even want to get into all the reasons... Perhaps it's comfortability, addictions, secrets, sin, workaholicism, boredom, fears...

But what Josh and I talked about was what are we doing about it? Are we just giving the Church the finger and having our own "faith" apart from everyone else? (I've tried it-- it seems that it mostly leads to a lack of interest in God or the Bible...) Is it worth it to be a part of something we don't completely agree with in order to try to be more like the image of the Church that Jesus gave us? How much power do we have? Are we to be lost in the politics of an outdated institution? Or can we help guide our elders and youth to seeking the Lord's will--

I've had about a year off from any real participation in "ministry". But all that's about to change. I know it's imperfect, because WE'RE imperfect. I know that I'm going to contribute to the imperfection... but I have a voice to add. I have others to mentor. I have much to learn-- and many who can teach. But I vow to be the one to ask. Will you mentor me? Will you be real with me? Will you teach me all you know of God? Will you teach me how to be true to myself and to others? Will you teach me how to love? to endure? to give? to receive?

What will you do?

Lyrics to a new song- "Feel Better"

So... I hope this doesn't offend too many people, but here's a song I wrote a couple months ago about... well, mental issues. I've always been so curious with how people "lose it" and why and so this is sort of a cynical look at the process. (All spellings are intentional for intonation)

She said, "I feel much better now."
She said, "I FEEL mucht betterrr now."
She said, "IT FEELS mucht betterrr now."
She said, "I feel it feels like it feels much betterr, now."

But as the drool runs out the left side of her face
I'm concerned that maybe she hasn't slept in days
And as she plays with a lock of her matted hair
She stares at her nose and it's a haze I say

Oh let me in to the place of white coats
There's nothing easier than sheep herding goats
And now its up to me to decipher reality
In the loosest terms I know
Oh, let me in

So she's an astronaut, I'm pretty sure
Gravity can not HOLD her downn
And this genntleman here's just a spy from the sky
Oh, his spaceship's soon landing on the ground

But I do not understand why my spoon needs to talk
Perhaps because it's always near my vocal box
There's only one thing wrong with your cavernous face
Your sunken eyes remind me of death

Oh let me in to the place of white coats
There's nothing easier than sheep herding goats
And now its up to me to decipher reality
In the loosest terms I know
Oh, let me in

There's something magical about the Cure
They say it cures me, well of this we can be sure
Cuz once I was different and living in society's arms
And now I'm different but locked up to keep society free from harm

Oh, let me in...



So, that's it... I'm curious what your thoughts are!

Oh, and I have to give Andrew Bird some credit because I wrote this after listening to his song, A Nervous Tic Motion of the Head to the Left. You can listen to it here: http://ekonomiskmgmt.com/audio/andrew_bird/Nervous_Tic.mp3

A harsh look at fragile life

It seems strange to me that at such a young age now our society gives us the power to keep or end life. "Here, kid, if you can get yourself knocked up, why don't you go ahead and decide whether or not you're going to face the consequences for killing life as well. Oh, and you don't need to tell anyone that you're doing this, either."

If you haven't figured it out, I'm talking about
a
b
o
r
t
i
o
n.
A topic that is ridiculously over my head in general, 1) because I'm not a woman, and 2) because I feel instructed and corrupted by my conservative Christian upbringing. It's easiest for me to jump to the unborn baby's defense, you know, because it's hard to imagine "little baby, 8 pound Jesus" killing someone, no matter if they can't even wipe themselves yet. But then again, that's a cutesy Jesus image that I like (c.f. Taladega nights), not necessarily the Jesus that exists that commands the oceans and skies.

So, because I know that I jump to that previous conclusion so easily, I'm even more inclined to think the opposite, oddly enough. A woman has a right, in our world, to not be a slave to whatever has ravaged her, whether it was willing or not. Here's where it would be COMPLETELY unfair for me to say that she should act one way or another... frankly a man can just throw his seed around without a second thought, but a woman can bear the reminder of an "encounter" for the rest of her life. This does not seem okay, least of all from a feminist perspective (which I flirt with from time to time).

Some things I read from a "Pro-Life Website":

Each year approximately 16,340 teenagers become pregnant in Washington.

In 1996, the pregnancy rate in Washington for teen girls 15-17 years old was 54 per 1,000.

In 1999, the CDC reported 1,130 abortions performed on girls 16 and under in Washington.

21.1% of Washington abortions are performed on girls 16 and under.

42,110 teenagers are seen each year at Washington family planning clinics.

Each year, 28,440 Washington teenagers receive birth control or other services from Title X clinics.

If you're wondering why I bring all of this up, it's partly due to the fact that in our culture, we rely SO H E A V I L Y on birth control. I wonder if someday we'll get to heaven or Nirvana or wherever and God is going to just shake his head and go, "What did you do to all of my wondrous children?"

"But God, look at overpopulation!! Look at the crowded streets!! The economic strain!!"
Then God says, "But look into their eyes, my children..."

And of course, there would be 8 kids that were prevented from life sitting next to Him there in heaven, all with a pitiful look on their face. "Why didn't you let us live?" Yikes. I'm freakin myself out here.

The other reason I bring this up is that, Yo, I'm a newly wed and I see how inconvenient it is to have a child right now. I mean... yikes. Am I allowed to talk about children that way? I just can't imagine all the emotional scars I would have if my parents told me, "You were really inconvenient, Tim. We wish we had been more careful to prevent you."

Think about it. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Slightly Suspicious

There's something strange about posting your life on the net. In the past, I would have little or no reservations to just "let it all hang out" so-to-speak... but after a run in with the vice president at Simpson University for my horrific "public self-disclosure" of revealing that I drink beer, I'm thinking I'd better be a little more...thoughtful. So, here's the start of THOUGHTFUL things, not so much as a therapy for me, but as a thinking space to bounce strange ideas and theories off of friends, family, and passers-by.

Hope you enjoy it,
Tim