I wrote this about 2 months ago, but didn't have the courage to post it until now. Please read with a grain of salt.
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Math has never been a strong point in my life. I appreciate it's simplicity... it's bold assumptions. When you take away "This," you are left with "That." It helps to clarify your situation. But it never gives the whole picture.
Why did you take "This" away? What are you supposed to do with "That" now that you have it? How many new "This's" will you have to add to your "That" before you are healed? Will you ever have a new "This"? Will "That" ever change from here on out? Will you change because of "That"?
I read somewhere from someone that if they ever thought for a moment that God was the one who took away his dearly beloved dead relative from him, than he would never believe in Him again. I understand that sentiment. But I don't share it.
Time changes things. And it honestly doesn't matter who you blame. Blame God. Blame Sin. Blame me, for all I care. All it does is help you to manage your own feelings. I get that. Cuz our feelings (especially when loss is involved) are wild and crazy things. People kill themselves when their emotions are too unbearable.
But that brings us back to me. Sorry this has all been so lofty. I'll try to put us back on the ground.
I'm about ready to say goodbye to some friends. Jeff and Tracy and leaving for Spain. Noah and Sara are moving North to Portlandia. They've been the best friends I've had in a long time. I couldn't have survived the great DC assassination without them. But I'm trying to figure out how life will work without them in it. And I know there's email and Facebook and blogging and the occasional phone call... but that's not relationship. That's penpalship. I'm sure there are others out there who can survive on penpalship alone, but I am not one of them. For me, it will feel like I have only one leg, one hand, one eye for awhile. And it's common, I know it happens everyday, but I still feel like blaming someone to help me cope.
Time changes things, and I want to be at peace with that. God help me. Thank you for this day and this life.
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Dear friends, I miss you terribly! Please let's stay in touch!
Email me back...I think you owe me one! And, we should probably Skype soon. Um...I don't know if I'm the one who said the thing about the dead relative or not but I have definitely shared that sentiment at times. It has definitely shaped a view of God as more of a let the world run itself into the ground and let people find God out of that rather than orchestrating every movement like a chess match...but I have no idea. Who knows. Love you man, thanks for sharing this. Friendship from distance is tough, but I hope it can actually happen.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I get you man. I have a lot of relationships long distance, and in the end, they are really good for that particular relationship. However, I still miss my unique "see your face, let's get a beer right now" friends who notice when I have a new haircut and when my house is particularly dirty. It's a great loss.
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