2 am, and I can't sleep

Yep.  It's 2:06am.  And... I'm up.  I sat in bed for an hour with my mind whirling and twirling and dancing a jig...  a happy little restless jig...

Damn tea.  I shouldn't have had it so close to bedtime.

And I've got a lot on my mind.

Work has been tough- and exciting.  Training 2 new people is tough.  Training 4 new people is going to be insane.  What sucks is these are all going to be short termers... next semester I'll most likely have to train 4 more new people.  Sigh...

It's not that I don't like training.  In fact, I quite enjoy it.  I have often been told that I am a very patient and thorough trainer.  I take the time to understand where the person is coming from and I always try to gauge how much is too much to give them before they crack.

The part that's tough is that instead of having a proper schedule with extra people on the floor so I can invest in my employees, I am forced to push them straight into the mad house and offer hurried explanations and corrections while I'm making 1000's of beverages.  Whine, whine, whine.

A wheel of cheese walks into a bar and says, "I have just had the worst day of my life!  Nothing could possibly get any worse!"  The bartender says, "Well, how bout a little glass of wine? ...  cuz you're cheese and most people offer you cheese when you whine... but you're already cheese..."

A river walks into a bar and says, "No one understands me!"  The bartender says, "How the hell did you walk in here?"

A fire man walks into a bar and says, "This whole place would burn down if I wasn't here."  The bartender says, "Why do I always have a smart ass comment for everything?"


Apparently my mind creates stupid bar jokes when I can't sleep.  Fantastic.

There's a lot of criminals in my neighborhood.  Not necessarily ones that I know personally, but I know they're there.  I subscribe to a couple Listservs and everyday it  seems someone is reporting another break in or robbery.  Some dude just looks inside a car, jiggles the handle and if it opens, he helps himself to whatever he finds.  Middle of the day even!!  They've been getting away with it for a long time, apparently.  That's how my first iPod got jacked.  Parked right outside the bar I was in, come back after an hour and my iPod's gone.  The other thing is break-ins.  Just last month someone in my neighborhood with a security system and two large dogs got their house broken into in the middle of the afternoon and had TWO flat screen TVs stolen.  And I don't even live in the bad part of town!!  Who knows what goes on there!!

I met someone who says they are or were "Anti-Christianity."  He was raised Roman Catholic and all of the force-feeding of religion made him hate anything to do with God.  I didn't have time to say it then, but I can't help but feel like I agree.  In many ways, although I LOVE God and adore His Church, I am very much "anti-Christianity."  You see, one Christian can screw up and repent.  But a whole Christian institution can corrupt an entire nation and not even know it.  I guess it's kinda like, "Kill 1 person and you're a tyrant, kill a million and you're a conqueror."  Or something.

But I don't like the notion of stating: "I am anti______" (whatever it is that you are anti).  Why should the hatred and disgust of something define you?  Some look at my slightly detached, critical look at the Church in America's DISGUSTING STATE as being so.  But that does not define me.  If people ask me, "Who are you?"  I don't say, "Well I'm definitely NOT one of THOSE people..."  I guess that's how some people define "Postmodernism."  Pretty much just people who don't like the values that are associated with Modernism.  I read an old man's rant today about how those "Good ol' days" back in the 60's were the times when there was no crime and kids never disobeyed and were smarter than nowadays and blah blah blah.  I mean, come on.  I don't mind it if you are proud of your school or your upbringing, but don't just rattle off a bunch of shit that can be easily disproven with 9 billion statistics.  And PLEASE don't exaggerate!!  There's nothing I hate worse than someone who exaggerates just to show that he is like, a gajillion times better than everybody.

Are things getting better?  Eh... probably not.  Are things getting worse?  Not significantly.  We're all just kinda plugging along...

Some places are getting destroyed by hurricanes and famine and poverty.  Other places are experiencing peace and prosperity.  Some places are wallowing in moral filth.  Other places are undergoing spiritual revival and growth.

It's not about deterioration or elevation.  It's about balance.  Yin and yang shit.  This is our model for our earth.

Do I wish that we all could just get along?  ABSOLUTELY.

Do I think that this world would be better if we stopped fighting and learned to respect and enjoy our differences?  OH YEAH

Do I think that Mother Nature sometimes tries to kill entire cities?  UH HUH.  But she also gives us Sunrises and beautiful seascapes and mountains and dew and twittering birds and stuff.  And then lightening strikes a tree and burns the whole damn beautiful forest.  And then it regrows after a few years, stronger than it was before...

I find it curious that some Christians are threatened by me.  I think the really smart ones just disregard my silly ideas... but the NORMAL day-to-day Christian finds me repulsive.  Some might think:

     How can this man believe in Christ if he isn't "witnessing" by handing out tracts or "evangelizing" with the rest of us?
    How come he doesn't get "involved in a Church"?
    How come he doesn't use his gifts of music to "bless the community"?
    How come he is always having different ideas than everyone?  Doesn't he know the bible verse that says all the disciples were in one accord?
    Why doesn't he tithe 10% like the Bible says to??  (it doesn't.  It's just been taken out of context)

If I could have only one and not the other, I would much prefer it that "sinners" find me intriguing and delightful while "Christians" find me difficult and hard to understand.  I feel like that's the model that Jesus set up.

The "sinners" didn't put Jesus on the cross.  It was the religious.  The devout.  The regular tithe-giver and church-goer.  Why would the sinners put Him on the cross?  He was offering them hope and a new perspective on life!  The "godly" however, had too much at stake to let this Jesus fool mess with their happy little cush lives.  Jesus had harsh things to say about them, and difficult parables for them to unravel...

Alright.  I've blogged til 3am.  It's time for another attempt at sleep.  If you've made it this far into my ramblings, you are my friend and I hope to repay the kindness someday to you.

As always,
Tim